photo by Haden
Spiders.
Last month I got bit by a Wolf Spider, the one in the picture above to be exact and the name doesn't disappoint.
Normally spiders don’t impress us much and we are used to escorting the garden variety off the premises like some good natured drunk that needs to go home. Every year it’s the same thing, summer heat gets replaced with Halloween chill virtually overnight and within twenty four hours the spiders decide to be roomies.
Big deal. We see it coming, check the weather stripping on the doors and push in the screens a little bit tighter, no need for chemicals, napalming my own home would produce an irony far too large for me to swallow. Death by the big C via Dow Chemical just because I was escared of some little bitty spiders? Out of the question. But.
.After being attacked! I have a slightly less bohemian view of these things
Walking full gate and barefoot towards the bathroom through our bedroom I received what felt like a hot lava injection into my pinky toe! I did a sideways Curly shuffle if you can picture that. I was sure it was a nightmare monster scorpion from Clash of the Titans (1981) and called everyone in on the search. Searing pain is an exactly perfect word for the feeling. And there it is!.... a small spider...really? trying to hold ground on the edge of a blanket that only a Sesame street character could blend into. The perp, suspect number one, I took the lamp of the table, took off the shade and held it down close so my Son could get a clear picture of it so we could Google it later, (you gotta Google it, right.) We noticed there were tiny drops of blood on the blanket that squirted out of my toe when he/she bit me, double checking my foot, sure enough there were two tiny puncture marks on the side of my thumping red toe. This spider was hardly the size of a fifty cent piece and kind of neat looking if I wasn’t holding a grudge. When I moved my hand by the floor it perked up and looked like it was ready for battle even stepping foreword a bit. SQUISH… fuck him. My house.
Last night I threw something off my back in the middle of the night and my wife reported knocking a bug off of her face too and we were independently too tired to bother turning on the lights to see what it was.. Time to look around.
Coffee in hand my morning bug hunt revealed two! Not one, but two! full sized Wolf Spiders patrolling the house.
One was boldly walking up the stairs standing out clear as day on the white wall and the other? You guessed it..............By the bed.
.
I wonder where I can buy some Napalm?
B.E.B.
